


Nirvana

by Fachi



Series: Adam Lambert Is My Muse [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, NSFW, Praise Kink, also i changed my tumblr url, and i just want my son to be happy, and very sappy, but im a giant sap, but im drinking beer while in my pyjamas, fa-chi it is, fth-series, hisoillu-is-life is passé, im living the life, its a me, love you all, maybe i should mention that this is very, or your self employed, these tags are getting out of hand, this is very gay, unless your boss is cool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 16:57:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10222931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fachi/pseuds/Fachi
Summary: "Hisoka was despicable, deplorable with every ounce of his being, a maniac malicious enough that Illumi could never be sure he would not turn against him the very next second. But strangely, whenever they would end up as a panting, sweating mess of skin on skin, Illumi would never feel quite as loved in any other moment of his life."





	

**Author's Note:**

> PART 2 of Father-Series  
> part 1 ---> http://fa-chi.tumblr.com/post/157485907700/i-father-act-i-father-series-part-1-masterpost
> 
> inspirational song:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwjPpMqfGW0
> 
> ive read this approx 100 times and i have no idea anymore if its hot or nah so you guys tell me

„Has anyone ever told you how gorgeous you are? “  
  
Illumi remembered that moment, their first night when he had been sitting butt naked in Hisoka’s lap, hovering only seconds over the other’s lubed up dick. That moment, when Hisoka cupped his cheek so tenderly it was out of place at best, and looked him in the eye with an ardent intensity that was only distorted by the smallest of his ever-present smiles.  
  
Illumi remembered almost cumming right then and there.  
  
Hisoka was despicable, deplorable with every ounce of his being, a maniac malicious enough that Illumi could never be sure he would not turn against him the very next second. But strangely, whenever they would end up as a panting, sweating mess of skin on skin, Illumi would never feel quite as _loved_ in any other moment of his life. What an odd thing to say.  
  
The way Hisoka looked at him, the unquenchable thirst in his gaze feasting upon Illumi’s exposed body, the gleam of arousal radiating in his sharp golden eyes, softened only by the mute appreciation for the privilege of being the only one Illumi would allow to touch his all in the most unruly of ways – it got to him deep. True, Hisoka was strong, forceful and sometimes rough, but beneath all the raw power, Illumi could feel that he was holding back, restraining himself as if not wanting to break the other more than he already had, as if Illumi’s pleasure meant just as much to him as his own. And although he knew that to Hisoka there was no one more important than he himself, Illumi liked to drown himself in the fantasy in nights like these.  
  
“You’re beautiful beyond compare”, Hisoka muttered against the skin of Illumi’s inner thigh before he sunk his teeth gently into it and the assassin had to force himself to just _breathe_. Having removed the last of the other’s garments, the jester nearly devoured Illumi’s unclothed body with his hungry gaze, leaving him red hot and burning wherever his eyes trailed.  
  
“And you’re as cheesy as always”, Illumi whispered and swallowed thickly, yet he could not hide the twitch of his cock so close to Hisoka’s face beneath his forced mask of indifference. He felt the other’s lips stretch into a grin against his skin, before Hisoka brashly pecked the tip of his dick and then continued to trail lazy kisses down his leg. “But I know you love it.”  
  
Indeed. Hisoka knew by now what praise did to Illumi, and he was shamelessly using it to his advantage.  
  
But when the jester stopped nibbling at the other’s ankle and locked his golden orbs with black, there was no mockery in his intent gaze. Rather, Hisoka looked at Illumi like he had finally found what he had been looking for for years and years to pass – and it ultimately came to lie sprawled out before him on a messy curtain of black hair. „I’m not even lying though.“ Illumi held his breath.  
  
When Hisoka dived in to him like a carnivore for his prey, Illumi could not help but arch his back a little more against the mattress. He felt the raw force of sharp nails pushing against his Ten when they travelled up his sides and eventually, up his face, before Illumi just grabbed a fistful of Hisoka’s hair and collided their lips in a kiss, sighing at the contact.  
  
The other did not let the opportunity go to waste and slid his tongue into Illumi’s mouth, entangling the slick muscles in a dance without rhythm. Illumi savoured the man – Hisoka tasted a lot like he smelt. A certain hint of musk. A sweet hint of nicotine. Masculine. Clean. Warm. Acquainted.  
  
Addictive.  
  
Illumi broke the messy kiss and trailed his saliva coated lips across Hisoka’s unpainted face, nipping at the skin here and there. He took in the bitter residue of some expensive smelling perfume from the man’s jaw, before he licked a straight line up Hisoka’s nose into the bright red bangs covering his forehead. Salty. Hisoka giggled and bit down onto the other’s neck almost fondly and so aggravatingly sweet that the raven’s breath hitched. Illumi hated how much he loved Hisoka’s tenderness, hated how it turned him into a shameless puddle of want under his caressing hands.  
  
When Hisoka had first had the nerve to give him the tender treatment, Illumi had beaten the man into a pulp. He had even paralyzed parts of his body and had choked him near to death while having called him the most awful of names. Then he had fucked him, dry and hard into the mattress, just to teach him that Illumi Zoldyck was a man to be feared and not to be cradled.  
  
There had been nothing pleasant about his orgasm that night. Hisoka’s blood had stained the sheets in a deep crimson once Illumi had been done with him. It was everywhere – on Illumi’s hands, in his hair, on his dick – and it seemed to seep out endlessly from Hisoka’s dismembered frame. But it had not stopped the man from smiling in the most unreadable kinds of ways.  
  
When Hisoka had moved his arm, Illumi had expected a blow. Something that would have knocked him out cold for hours, but something that would have answered to all that unjustified aggression Illumi had had just shown. An eye for an eye, that would have put his mind at rest.  
  
But Hisoka – Hisoka had just run his fractured fingers over Illumi’s cheekbone, leaving a red trail of his own blood in their wake, while he had regarded him as tenderly with his one unswollen eye as he had when Illumi had first felt the need to disfigure the other. Panting, sweating and caught in a post-orgasmic emptiness, Illumi’s sudden rage had vanished and he had felt like throwing up about himself. He had looked at the man caressing his face, the oeuvre of his unwarranted anger without a spot of normal skin colour left on his body and it had – _hurt._  
  
Illumi had cupped Hisoka’s hand softly, careful not to crush it more than it already had been and had pressed his lips onto his palm. Hisoka had hummed raspingly through his deformed windpipe before having nudged Illumi closer and the assassin had abided to meet him in a kiss that had been all iron, before Hisoka had mumbled nonsensical words of praise against his lips.  
  
He had broken Illumi that night.  
  
So when the assassin flipped the other off of him with one move of his muscular arms and straddled his lap within the blink of an eye, the hand he closed around Hisoka’s neck was more a sign of possession than real menace. Strangling the other had long emerged as a playful tease, just a mere relic of the aggressively dominant gesture it used to be when Illumi’s bloodlust would flare up all around him. Hisoka appreciated it nonetheless with a long moan prying itself from his restricted throat, resonating lewdly within Illumi’s ears.  
  
If he truly had wanted, Illumi had used his ways to make people stop. None of them would have included Hisoka’s survival, though. He could have killed the man back then, had he not even been fighting back at all. But every second that the other was still breathing under Illumi’s palms confirmed that Hisoka truly had nothing to fear in his carelessness – even more so that his caress was very much welcomed. Illumi was just weak under Hisoka’s touch, a cornered lion that did not know any better than to bite the hand that was feeding it. Pathetic, was he not.  
  
Illumi’s skin flared where gentle fingers ran over his sculptured abdomen, trailing every elevated muscle and every dip of skin with almost religious devotion, only ghosting over it as in pure admiration. “Perfect”, Hisoka choked out and Illumi could hardly hide the shiver running over his flesh.  
  
His father had taught him to run from battles he was not sure of winning. And it was most definite that he could never win against Hisoka, not in the games they were playing.  
  
But instead of running, Illumi dived in, closer to the man that elevated every single hair on his body like a lightning when he closed his arms around the raven’s frame. He figured that admitting defeat took just as much, if not more, of a man than riding into battle, and when Illumi locked his lips with Hisoka’s yet again, he rose his white flag high for everyone to see.  
  
Illumi lightly squeezed Hisoka’s throat with every other turn of tongue, always eliciting a small pant or a deep sigh in return that he felt vibrating under his fingertips. Hisoka’s breath slowly got frantic until he broke the kiss more than he sealed it, gasping for air. Yet, Illumi could feel the man’s excitement in the rock hard and twitching dick near his leg, so he held Hisoka’s face in place with his free hand and forced his tongue down the other’s throat. The choked hum Hisoka could barely manage to voice went right to his groin and Illumi sighed when Hisoka’s nails scraped down his spine, tearing his flesh and bones away and leaving Illumi as a sheer bundle of need.  
  
Releasing the other’s throat and lips, Illumi watched the golden eyes turn into slits of unfocused gleam when he grinded their groins together. Hisoka’s gasps for air turned into breathless moans and heady chants of Illumi’s name, a steaming chorus that paired with the friction and clouded the assassin’s mind with arousal. Illumi joined the other in his concert of whines when Hisoka thrusted up against him from below and pried the assassin’s buttocks apart as he pantingly nipped at Illumi’s lips over and over and over again. Cool air hit scorching insides and when Hisoka snuck one of his fingers against the other’s entrance and pushed in lightly, Illumi was on fire.  
  
Swatting the man’s hand away, he grabbed Hisoka by the throat and pushed him deep into the sheets as he sat up before shoving two of his fingers right into the other’s mouth. Skin flushed from blaze and breath ragged from boiling, Illumi watched his trembling hand intruding the cavity before he briskly ordered: “Suck.”  
  
Hisoka moaned around his digits, eyeing Illumi hungrily and reminding him of the things he would much rather want to spoil with his tongue. Illumi’s jaw clenched tight as he felt Hisoka sucking on his hand with devotion, coating the fingers in a thick layer of saliva with every artistry flick of his tongue, and suddenly he fantasised about just violating Hisoka’s mouth until he found his sweet release deep down the other’s throat. Hisoka’s nose buried deep in his pubic hair. Hisoka gagging and swallowing around his girth. Hisoka’s tear-stained face with his cum spilling from the corners of his mouth. Illumi moaned at the images inside his head and his hips thrusted into nothingness.  
  
He withdrew his fingers from Hisoka’s mouth as suddenly as he had pushed them in, acknowledging the man’s displeased groan somehow distantly but with delight, as he redirected his digits to his entrance. A single drop of saliva fell onto Hisoka’s toned chest on their way and Illumi lapped up the warm liquid with diligence as he circled his tight muscle. Groaning into Hisoka’s pecs, the assassin slowly pushed the slick fingers into himself, relishing the acquainted tingle and the somehow frantic hands stroking through his messy hair.  
  
“Get the lube”, Illumi breathed when he slowly straightened up again, feeling his fingers pushing in deeper with the shift, but as he laid his eyes on Hisoka, he briefly wondered if the man had even processed his words. All he did was haphazardly rushing his hands over Illumi’s body, through his hair, over his face, to every spot he could reach, as if Hisoka needed to convince himself that the other was real and there. “God, Illu…” Illumi felt himself convulsing around his fingers at Hisoka’s throaty voice that seeped so much _longing_ for him, before eventually the other shifted beneath him and fumbled for the bedside stand.  
  
By the time Hisoka laid out the tube of lube and a condom next to him, Illumi had three of his fingers deeply sheathed inside of himself. He reached out a shaky hand in a mute command, but Hisoka did not comply right away. Instead, he gently took the offered digits in his hand and kissed the knuckles one by one, hot breath warming flaming skin to the point of evaporation. Illumi shoved his fingers in deeper and moaned lowly when Hisoka locked his eyes to his, before the jester finally poured some lube onto his palm. He could swear he heard the cool liquid sizzling as it dropped onto his skin.  
  
Illumi retrieved his hand and Hisoka followed, burying his fingers into the curtain of black as he nudged Illumi into a kiss the assassin broke with a sigh when he pulled his digits from within himself just to coat them thickly with lube. He was painfully aware of how intently Hisoka watched his face, staring as his mouth fell open and his eyes half-shut when he pushed them inside again with one smooth motion. Hisoka’s laboured breath mimicked his own as Illumi started to fuck himself slowly on his fingers, relishing the quiver of lust that sparked on his nerve ends. The other released his face, trying to pull him closer by the legs, but Illumi resisted the tug. Instead, he directed his hand with the leftover lube to his dick, coating his member with slow stokes and moaned, louder than necessary, but definitely yielding the desired effect.  
  
Under him, Hisoka groaned in hunger, as if he was the one Illumi had closed his hand around. His gaze lay heavy on him as the raven worked the pain of arousal out of his throbbing dick. Illumi felt the weight of Hisoka’s stare pulling at his heaving chest, tearing it open, down to the stimulated red hot tip of his cock until he was certain that Hisoka could see right through him, with those burning golden suns in his eyes. Illumi twitched and moaned as they smouldered holes into his body that let the other in far deeper than his fingers could reach. From somewhere close, Hisoka groaned his name.  
  
“Oh, Illumi.” The assassin’s ears rang, dick and entrance pulsating in unison – has his name ever sounded anymore enticingly revelling in his life? Illumi stroked himself faster, a guttural whimper the only reaction he could give when he pried his eyes apart and saw Hisoka picking himself up, saw these defined muscles working under his weight. He moaned throatily at the thought of the strong thrusts they could deliver and his cock twitched excitedly in his hand. Scorching fingertips nestled on the assassin’s face and instantly pulled his mind away from the things Hisoka could do to him to the things he was doing right now as the other stopped only a whisper away from his lips. Gold clung to black, then travelled about the sheer layer of sweat coating Illumi’s entire body, then back to his eyes, then down again to the hand caressing his dick, as if Hisoka could not decide what he wanted to take in most and tried to experience all of Illumi at once. “ _God_ ”, the assassin felt Hisoka’s short breath evaporating on his lips as he spoke: “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever had in my whole entire life.”  
  
Illumi’s forehead impacted against the other’s as a shattering moan shook up his whole form. It took his all not to ride out the orgasm he felt building up like a storm flood inside and instead he released his dick from his hand as if it had electrocuted him, hurling his arm around Hisoka’s shoulders for support. He sunk his sticky fingers into the other’s flesh, desperately trying to stay composed while panting against Hisoka’s mouth. “Oh, Illu.” Hisoka heaved, pulling him closer, dick lapping at Illumi’s balls, as he stole an open mothed kiss from his lips. But Illumi just wheezed, slowly resuming the thrusting of his fingers as he felt the waves subsiding at high tide. Hisoka joined a hand to the one disappearing inside Illumi, feeling around at his entrance and sensing how the other’s digits moved in and out at a steady pace. Illumi took in the laboured breaths of the other right next to his ear, as Hisoka softly grabbed his wrist and nudged his fingers in deeper until he was fully stretched around his knuckles. The assassin hissed in pleasure, knowing that he had arrived at his limits, when he heard Hisoka draw a shaky breath.  
  
“Illumi”, his voice was dark, deep, and barely more than a moan, when his hands trailed endlessly restlessly over the raven’s back, “God, you’re _so good_.”  
  
Illumi’s heart stopped for a second before it suddenly felt twice as big and pulsed with a force that shook his entire body. He ripped his fingers out of himself, threw Hisoka off of him, before grabbing the condom, tearing it open and rolling it onto Hisoka’s swollen cock with one swift movement. Hisoka hissed in pleasure when Illumi climbed back onto his lap and caged the jester’s head in between his forearms. Black hair descended around the two like the night, locking them in the moment. “Say it”, Illumi whispered, nose to nose against the jester’s face, eyelids fluttering as the tip of Hisoka’s cock poked at his slick entrance. “Say it again.”  
  
The assassin felt the other’s shallow breaths graze his skin when Hisoka pulled their torsos flush against each other and turned them over. Illumi’s lower muscles spasmed uncontrollably as Hisoka’s tip increased the pressure against them laying him down into the sheets. He forced a steady exhale.  
  
Hisoka took Illumi’s hands into his own as he hovered only inches away from the other’s face, with a gaze so warm it might have melted the gold in his eyes and let it drip right into Illumi’s pools of black. The assassin entwined their fingers tight, his body all tremble, when Hisoka leaned in for a kiss that was slow, deep and, for the lack of a better word, affectionate. Illumi felt a part of him dying then and there when Hisoka parted from him and spilled the words like ambrosia onto his soul. “You’re so good, Illumi” Hisoka smiled under half-lidded eyes “The best I’ve ever had.”  
  
Illumi whined, loud and almost pleadingly, when Hisoka finally entered him in one strong move, the girth forcing out every flat breath off his body. _So good_. Hisoka groaned, throwing the other’s legs over his shoulders as he set up a quick pace with deep and fierce thrusts. Gasping for air when Hisoka started to fuck him right, Illumi squirmed whenever he hit that sweet spot inside of him with malicious precision. _The best_. Skin slammed onto skin with maddening pace and Illumi got close again far too quickly, his groin burning with desperate need for attention.  
  
“Hisoka”, Illumi writhed, barely sounding like himself in that rasp, breathy voice when he clutched onto the other’s arms, not knowing if he wanted to press closer or push away from this exasperatingly addictive friction, not knowing if he wanted its torture for longer or if he could not wait anymore for its high. “Hisoka, I’m – _fuck_ ”, he moaned when Hisoka pulled him up higher by the legs, reaching especially deep and hard into him. Illumi’s thighs quivered against the grasp when he tried to slam back against the rock hard member, but found himself completely immobilized in his position. All he could do was letting Hisoka take him at that nerve-wracking pace, fisting the sheets, his hair, _anything_ he could grab to grant him some hold while he inched closer and closer to the edge. Illumi was not sure what he said, if he said anything at all or if the sounds prying themselves from his throat made any more sense than a thousand times ‘ _yes, fuck me’_ ending in screams.  
  
But somewhere through the haze of his noise he heard Hisoka calling out his name with the same desperation, and when his eyes focused on the man though the fog, Illumi knew he would not last any longer. “God, Illumi”, Hisoka groaned, face flushed and gilded gaze derailed but clinging so intently at the moaning and squirming assassin under him. A single drop of sweat hung at his nose tip before it dropped onto Illumi’s stomach as Hisoka bent over him, forcing his legs as far apart as he could manage and pushed the raven’s knees into the mattress before he buried his dick into him as deeply as possible. “God, look at you.” Hisoka nearly pulled out all the way, steadily, slowly, before he slammed back in again and Illumi just whined, pre-cum seeping from his aching cock. “ _Ah_ – you look like you’ve – _god_ – you’ve been made for me to admire”, Hisoka panted in between his thrusts and Illumi lost his last bit of control to the fire inside.  
  
Everything within him convulsed and hurt so beautifully much that Illumi just whimpered in the ache as he blindly tried to latch on to his cock, but Hisoka caught his hands and pinned them to the mattress as he moved his hips in the rhythm of agony. “Oh, come on, Hisoka- _ah_!” Illumi’s plea ended in a moan as Hisoka shoved himself back into him and everything went red hot pain and torture as Illumi combusted. “I ha-, let me-, oh fuck, no, _please_!”  
  
Hisoka seemed barely conscious as he groaned right into the other’s face, but the man was both, the devil and a saint when he grabbed for Illumi’s sticky solid cock and closed his hand tightly around it. The pressure was too much and yet by far not enough, but when Hisoka finally moved his digits, Illumi moaned into the sheets, just to find his face in Hisoka’s suffocating death grip. “No, no, no, no”, he stilled and Illumi nearly _screamed_ at him in exasperation, ready to thresh him half-dead again, should the man favour screwing around over screwing _him_. But Hisoka fucked him, hard and good, after his final request: “Look at me.”  
  
One, two, three, four pumps on his cock and a shattering thrust, and Illumi fell to the flames of suns. He spilled pure fire into Hisoka’s hand, his body pulsing magma and his voice suffocated by the smoke. Only his eyes fought to stay apart, soldered to half-lidded amber, as the rest of his face convulsed into a portrayal of pure lust in the blaze. Sobbing breaths turned ragged in the quick thrusts Hisoka hammered into his body, chasing his own end – that beloved pressure inside of him. Illumi moaned distantly when he watched Hisoka come undone, deep thrusts turning shallow when the man swept away on the waves of his orgasm.  
  
When Hisoka stilled, there was no movement for a prolonged moment other than their two chests heaving rapidly in dire need for oxygen. Illumi simply stared up at Hisoka and Hisoka stared down at him, gaze both empty and yet telling every tale in the world. There was something soft in his sharp eyes, something Illumi wanted to endlessly marvel about until he grew old and senile and would eventually forget how this man made him feel – _at home_ in this very moment.  
  
Illumi did not see it fall, the drop of sweat from Hisoka’s face, until it hit the corner of his eye and he had to blink it away, turning the moment into memory as the other’s face faded into a blur. Hisoka slid out of him, collapsing to his side and leaving his entrance to breathe around nothing. Stretching his legs back into a comfortable position, the assassin huffed a little at the sting between his buttocks, a sound nothing more than a longer exhale, but Hisoka picked up on it nonetheless.  
  
The man chuckled breathlessly to his side, a pleasant and intimate string of notes. Illumi listened to him pant while catching his own breath, until they both fell into a pleasant silence. There was not much on Illumi’s mind when he blinked at the ceiling, just warmth and glow and a sizeable amount of contentment. He closed his eyes when Hisoka began to hum lowly what seemed not even to be a melody at all but a sheer expression of complacency. _Just like a cat_ , Illumi thought to himself and he found the notion endearing, until Hisoka sighed, long and deep. “You know,” he started, dark timbre in a hush but sounding self-important to the bone, “it’s so nice to have Illumi Zoldyck beg for it.” Indecent as always, Illumi thought, but he just groaned lazily.  
  
“I’m currently forgetting what a jerk you are, Hisoka. Don’t make me remember it just yet”, he mumbled, far too exhausted to feel offended about the things he enjoyed. Then a little smile grazed his face as he added: “Better shut up and admire me.”  
  
Hisoka laughed so softly it could almost pass as genuine and Illumi joined in, floating in the buzz of their post-orgasmic gleam. “O-kay”, Hisoka sang tenderly, his voice barely more than a whisper as Illumi looked at him sluggishly rolling onto his side. Dipping a finger into the puddle of cum on Illumi’s stomach, he dragged it to draw small patterns on the assassin’s chest. “But what about we wash up first, _my prince_?”  
  
Hisoka’s eyes beneath the sticky red bangs danced with folly as he finished his masterpiece and Illumi briefly wondered if he could still kill the man without hesitation. Pictures of Hisoka’s crushed form beneath him flashed inside his head and he tried to pair them with the empty stare of gleamless eyes he had caused on so many occasions. But somehow, they did not quite unite that well.  
  
Hisoka licked his finger clean, a gesture that made Illumi feel equally worshipped and uncomfortable, before he elegantly rose from the bed, discarded the condom and turned to Illumi with slight spring in his step, bowing before him in mock and offering his hand: “May I have the honour of cleansing thine divine body, dearest Illumi?”  
  
Illumi sat up slowly and looked the naked man up and down, before he took his hand and allowed the other to pull him to his feet. “You may.” Hisoka grinned in his usual unreadable ways as he gently kissed the back of his hand, golden eyes forever imprinting themselves into Illumi’s orbs. “Shall we?”  
  
Could Illumi still kill him? What a foolish thing to ask. Of course he could, at any given moment. He might be dripping with his own cum because of Hisoka, but that made him no less of a Zoldyck. And yet he knew that he had to be lying to himself if he said that having Hisoka’s blood on his hands would not affect him at all.

**Author's Note:**

> hahahaha do you remember when i was all like "i dont ship hisoillu romantically"
> 
> yeah
> 
> me neither
> 
>  
> 
> edit: i wished somebody had told me i wasn't supposed to make every sentence a mile long before it hit me like a train but ya here we are and hopefully still awake


End file.
